30, Here I Come!!!

How is it that one minute you're playing barbies and the next minute you're graduating? Then you turn around, you have a husband, three kids and you're about to turn 30!? Whoever said that life goes fast was so right. Fast is an understatement!! I have spent the last year being 29 and knowing that every day I was getting closer to being 30. Being in my 30s. I wondered how I would feel about it? I mean, age is just a number and blah blah blah, but really. Should I wear black and mourn the loss of my 20s and youth as I once knew it? I don't think I'm that dramatic. I guess more than anything it's that I am sad at how fast time is moving, not sad that I'm getting older. I don't want to go back or freeze time, but I just wish I could slow the pace a little. You know?

So, bear with me here. While I am not going to have an utter meltdown, I am feeling a bit odd about it so I need to own up to that. 30. I don't want to dwell on the whole getting older thing, but I can't let this milestone go by without at least acknowledging it somehow..... so, I will do as I usually do and change up my little playlist!

You know how you watch a show on tv and there's always that perfect song playing in the background at the perfect moment for that particular character or situation??? How the music totally gets the feeling across sometimes even better than the dialogue does??? Friends and I have talked about those songs we feel would be on our own "life soundtrack." As I have said before, I feel that music speaks more clearly than I could about how I feel and who I am. Cheesy!!! But take a listen, scroll through and enjoy. This isn't just my playlist, it's my life soundtrack. Some songs are old and some are new and there is quite a mixture of genres, but each has its own special meaning to me which I will share a brief note about here. No, it isn't a coincidence that there are thirty songs! :)

- 'Where The Streets Have No Name' U2 - had to start with my favorite song of all time by my favorite band of all time! Seeing them play this live is one of my favorite memories.

- 'Ode To My Family' The Cranberries - we played this song at our wedding for the wedding party dance, so it will always have a special place in my heart. I love my family.

- 'Everything Is Alright' Motion City Soundtrack - hilarious, upbeat song about being an absolute freak show. It's all about being an ADHD nervous wreck. Gee, for some reason I identify with that!!!

- 'Stop This Train' John Mayer - ugh. I remember the first time I *really* listened to the lyrics of this song and how they made me feel. I was driving home from visiting a very sick dear friend at the hospital and the words hit me like a ton of bricks. There just isn't enough time. Life goes by too fast and I wish I could slow it down. Watching my kids grow up so fast, seeing parents age, not knowing what lies ahead and the worries that go along with all of that. Life can be so overwhelming and you just wish it could stay just the way it is now. Amazing song. Love me some John Mayer. Even though he makes some weird a$$ faces when he plays the guitar.

- 'The Story' Brandi Carlile - chic rocker. I am slightly irritable that this one has become so popular as of late, but love it all the same. It's sappy, cheesy, etc but totally how I feel about my husband. We have been through some serious crap and we still sort of like each other. ;)

- 'Whatcha Want' Beastie Boys, baby!!! - I have an attitude problem. Always have. So there. This is my jam. ya, you can't front on that!

- 'How The Day Sounds' Greg Laswell - awesomely happy song about getting a new perspective!! I feel like it's about how you thought you knew what love was and then you had children. My kids have taught me so much about myself and what love really is. Once I had them, there was no question about why I was here or where I belonged. He says 'it's well worth the time that it's taken to get here now.' It so is.

- 'Needs' Collective Soul - this could be the poster song for America right now. We have spent far too long living for tomorrow, thinking only of ourselves, talking the talk and just digging deeper into despair. The singer asks "am I a poison? am I a thorn in the side?" Meaning, am I a part of the problem or a part of the solution? I think a lot of people who listen to this might miss how much this is about God. If we can just get past the other crap, figure out where we need to be in our faith ("the depth or doubt", love it) and realize that God and each other are all we really need. I'm still working on that.

-'Circles' Soul Coughing - or now known as Mike Doughty. We saw these guys at the Aragon Ballroom in 1998 and they were so great. Sometimes I feel like I am walking around in circles and not really getting anywhere. I know. I'm super deep.

-'Into Your Arms' The Lemonheads - awesome 90s band - saw them at Guinness Oysterfest in the streets of Old Town Chicago back in the day. Sweet song about having someone who loves you and who you can depend on.

-'Celebrity Skin' Hole - oh, Courtney Love. You are such a hot mess. But I get you and your trashy ways! If you don't own this album, you should. It's really good!!!

-'Everybody's Changing' Keane - I have never been a fan of change. It freaks me out. I am so stuck in my ways! Love this song because I think it sums up perfectly how sometimes it feels like everybody else is moving on but you don't want to.

-'Take Me to the Ballroom' Moonbabies - I found this band a couple of years ago and I just love them. They're swedish and I can't even understand what they're saying half the time, but that's okay. This song is about being young and stupid!!!

- 'High & Dry' Radiohead - I'm not sure you could have been around in the 90s and not have a faves list with Radiohead on it. Love them.

- 'Great DJ' The Ting Tings - Kevin makes fun of the repetativeness of this tune. I just like it!!!

- 'The Luckiest' Ben Folds - this is the most beautiful love song ever. Period.

- 'Fast As You Can' Fiona Apple - another messed up chic singer here, but one I can fully identify with. It's a song basically telling a guy to get out while he still can before she messes him up. Poor Kevin, he didn't do that.

- 'Iris' Goo Goo Dolls - this has got to be THE most overplayed song in music history. Or pretty close to it! But before it got mega popular from the movie 'City of Angels', it was our wedding song. There isn't a song that would have fit more perfectly for us at that time. I still make Kevin dance with me when this song comes on the radio!

- 'Just Like We Do' Eisley - more sappy!! Did you even know I was this sappy??? This was one of Olivia's fave songs when she was a baby and will always have a special place in the rotation!! She never cared if I couldn't sing it as well as these girls do!

- 'Strange Condition' Pete Yorn - just love this song!!!!

- 'Let Go' Frou Frou - I am letting go of my twenties!!!!

- 'My Eyes' Travis - this is my favorite Travis song. The lead singer wrote this for his new baby about all his hopes and dreams for who he/she would be.

- '1979' Smashing Pumpkins - I love this song. Hearing anything by SP makes me think of high school and this song title is the year I was born.

- 'The Middle' Jimmy Eat World - these guys got real popular when Ethan and Abby were tiny, but I remember both of them in the back seat of the car singing this tune at the top of their lungs!!

- 'Everything to Everyone' Everclear - saw these guys live when we lived in Chicago and they continue to remain a favorite (even though the chip on my shoulder isn't as big as it used to be). Their albums are awesome to listen to when you're ticked off!!

- 'Twentysomething' Jamie Cullum - no longer 20something, this song does not apply to me!

- 'Life In Technicolor II' Coldplay - to me this is one of the best Coldplay songs ever. *love*

- 'Learn to Fly' Foo Fighters - love the Foo.

- 'Now' Mates of State - great song.

- 'I Will Remember You' Sarah McLachlan - ok, why end with such a sad song?? Because to me it's not a sad song. Ok, maybe it is a little bit. But more than anything I think it's about all the memories you have and the people we meet who make this journey so worth it.

There are so many people who mean so much to me - family, my husband, my kids, friends both old and new. Friends who I see often and some that I don't see as much as I would like. You all mean the world to me. I am blessed in every way possible. Not to say that there haven't been some rough patches and immeasurable losses. But my experiences both good and bad, have all taught me something important about life - about who I am and who I want to be. And as much a turning thirty feels a little surreal, I am glad in a way to let my twenties go. One of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it goes "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." I truly believe that. The past and the future aren't really all that important as long as I am in the right place right now.

Anyways, I still have a couple of weeks to be 29 but I had to get this out there and off my heart. So to speak. 30, here I come!!!!!