Work It Out

I'm in a huge rut. A work out rut. This happens to me every year around February/March and it sucks. It's cold (although not as cold as it could be), I'm tired, and I care way more about my next meal than I do working out. I have no idea why I have so much trouble staying motivated. I know how much better I look and feel when I exercise on a regular basis, but it's so easy to talk myself out of it. I mean, let's be honest. I just want to be able to bake and eat whatever I want, and look super hot and feel awesome without having to do any sort of moving around. Anyone else feel the same? I can't be the only one.



Last night out of sheer desperation, I sat down to rework my work out. I started thinking of some things that I love, other than food. And then it hit me. I need a playlist! Music can be a great motivator, so I started working on a pretty epic work out playlist. There are tons of great sites online with suggestions for songs to ramp up your exercise routine, so be sure to check those out. But I have to be honest and tell you some of the suggestions are lame. Come on, there are way better songs than "Let's Get Physical." I was able to come up with about sixty songs for my playlist! I pretty much covered it all - eighties hair bands, old school rap, new stuff, dance stuff.... you name it and it's on there. Hopefully this will keep me from getting bored anytime soon. Take a listen! If you like what you hear, head on over to itunes and download your faves. Be advised: some of these tracks aren't kid friendly, so put those ear buds in when you crank it up!! And if you beat me to it and already have a soundtrack for your sweat sessions, I'd love to hear what's on it!!!

You Don't See Me

'You Don't See Me.' The title of one of my favorite songs by the amazing band Keane. I think its meaning could be interpreted a lot of different ways, but for me it is the Earth Day anthem. We all get in such a hurry with our busy lives, we don't take enough time to enjoy all of the beautiful things on this earth. We don't see it. We don't see each other either. We get wrapped up in the every day and lose sight of what's most important - taking care of this place we call home and taking care of each other.

I have been so disturbed by some of the things I've been hearing and seeing as of late. I'm not one to read too much into things or take everything too seriously - and that's not because I'm shallow or because I don't care. It takes a lot to make me upset, but recently that's just how I've been feeling. Disappointed and upset. I don't talk about politics or religion with most people, especially people that I like. I don't feel it's worth losing a friend over when I tell them that I support our president, though I don't agree with everything he's doing. That I voted for him and I'm not sorry. That I haven't been to church in a very long time because I'm not too sure how I feel about it all or where I belong. I mean, I'm not an idiot. People don't always see eye to eye on everything and it'd be boring if they did. I'm all for standing up for what's right and fighting for what you believe in. Things in this country (and this world) are a freaking mess. We are hurting. But it's not going to get better with people acting the way they are. Blaming others does very little to fix anything. All it does is deepen the divide. Trash isn't the only thing that poisons the earth - hatred, intolerance and disrespect are the worst forms of pollution. A little compassion, a little respect and a little humility would go such a long way.

I have no idea how many people actually read this thing or even care what a stay-at-home mom who lives in the suburbs has to say about stuff like this. I don't expect to make a huge difference with this blog or change anyone's mind about anything. It is what it is! That's why I usually keep it fairly lighthearted and stick to what I love! My love of music, family, baking and home renovation!!

Speaking of those things!! The kids and I had a super fun Earth Day today - playing at the lake, going on a nature walk, reading about our planet in school, baking some 'Earth Day' bar cookies and spending time with friends. And tomorrow we're going to see the movie 'Oceans' in the afternoon. And I hope to be able to post some pictures of some of the bedroom renovations as soon as they're finished..... or as finished as I usually ever get things! Abby's room is done so we're just waiting on her headboard to be delivered. Ethan's ceiling and trim are all painted and I'll be painting the walls this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to order his bed and other furniture within the next week or two. I had to go in a different direction than I had originally planned since the bed I had wanted is no longer available. But as it happens, I found one I like better and it's less money!! Woo hoo!!!

Well, that's all for now. I hope you have a wonderful Earth Day and that you're able to see the beauty around you, maybe even where you'd least expect it!!! ;)

See Ya Later, February!!

Oh, my gosh I am so relieved that February is over!! I never want to wish the time away, but honestly I always look forward to March - St. Patrick's Day, irish cooking, irish music, daylight savings, signs that spring really is on it's way..... It's all just such a relief to me!!

You'll notice that my playlist is all irish music right now. Give it a listen! It starts out slower and builds into some really good drinking music. ;) No one can drink like the irish! So stay tuned over the next couple of weeks because I'll be posting some fabulous St. Patty's Day recipes and great irish music. Bring it on, March!!!

Sometimes You Just Can't Win

I'm not known for being unreasonable, but I do know that I'm not the easiest person in the world to get along with. Women will understand what I'm talking about here: sometimes it has to do with PMS, sometimes it's just that we're looking for a fight and there isn't anything you can do or say that's going to be right. It's not fair but that's the way it is. Sorry.

I know when I'm acting like this. It's like I am standing on the other side of the room watching myself being completely ridiculous but I can't help it. Kevin could say something as simple as, "hey, did you know we're out of toilet paper??" and it sets of this whole chain reaction. He may as well have walked into a field full of land mines. Suddenly I'm in full attack mode. "Oh really? No I didn't know that. I guess I am a failure for not knowing that. I guess I am the only person in this whole family that wipes their a$$. No one could have told me this before now? I was just at the store!?!?!?!" Then before you know it we're insulting your mother's cooking and the size of your package. Jugular stab with a fork!!!!!

I don't know why this happens or how to avoid it. Or if it could even be avoided at all. Sometimes there is nothing you can do or say that isn't going to get you in a ton of trouble. Sometimes you just can't win. Just putting that out there.

The Flu Shot - Are You Getting One?

I'm not going to lie, this new H1N1 flu virus scares me. Hell, the regular flu virus scares me. But I'm trying to decide what scares me more - the flu itself or the vaccine given to prevent it. Let me be clear before I go any further here that I am NOT anti-vaccine. But I'm not pro-vaccine either. With my first two kids, I went to the health department on time and got their shots without asking any questions. Why would I question vaccinations? It was just what you did. I had no reason to wonder why I was doing what I was doing - that was until my third baby was born.

As a mother, Olivia has made me question EVERYTHING I have ever done or will do from now on. From nursing to solid foods to sleeping to you guessed it, vaccinations. She made me wonder and worry about things I never had to before. I don't neccessarily think that's a bad thing. It all started the week after I had her. She was having a hard time nursing and I didn't know what to do. She seemed uncomfortable and would just scream and we didn't know why. She started getting this awful rash all over her which was very different from the normal baby pimples that happen to some newborns. I did some research and wondered if she was having issues with something I was eating. After many tears and lots of attempts, I completely gave up breastfeeding and switched her to Nutramigen hypoallergenic formula. It was awful stuff, but it worked for her. We were able to lay her flat without fear of a reflux episode and she slept over over an hour for the first time in her two months of life. She was content. I cried tears of joy. Do you have any idea how much crying you do when you're a mom?? Anyways, the rash even started to go away and she was this happy little baby I didn't know existed.

At her two month check up, I politely declined her vaccinations. Despite pressure from our doctor, something told me it was the right thing to do. I was concerned at how sensitive she must be due to the reactions she'd had with her diet so far. Thank God I didn't do it. At age four months, after giving Olivia a bottle and laying her down to bed she had her very first seizure. I cannot put into words what an absolutely terrifying thing it was to witness. After vomiting what seemed to be her entire feeding, Olivia's eyes rolled back into her little bald head and she paled to a color that I have never seen a living human being turn. She was limp and unresponsive and so cold. We didn't know what was happening. By the time we got to the ER, she seemed much better. They checked her vitals and sent us home, thinking it was some sort of stomach virus not knowing it was actually a seizure. I slept next to her crib (sleep isn't the word I would use) that night. Little did I know, the horror we'd just witnessed would surface again.

Olivia has had five seizures in her three years of life, the most recent one being last December. I pray every single day that it was the last one she'll ever have. It's not something I will ever get used to seeing or forget or get over and the image of it will haunt me probably forever. (I try not to live in fear, but I wouldn't be honest if I told you I didn't worry like a crazy person every time she got sick!) Olivia underwent lots of testing to determine the cause of her seizures and we never found one. The term mitochondrial disorder (google that if you're curious as it would take me quite a long time to explain) was thrown out there by her peds neurologist and we did some testing that was in conclusive as far as that went. So we still don't know and maybe we never will. And we still haven't given her one vaccination. Does that bother me? Yes. But right now I still feel the risks far outweigh the benefits for her. That doesn't mean I don't worry about my decision and it doesn't mean I won't ever vaccinate her for anything.

That being said, I still have to think really hard about this upcoming flu season. I can't figure it out. Either we're all screwed or the media/government has done a great job of trying to scare us all to death. I haven't decided which one it is yet. For most people, the decision to get a flu shot is black and white. You either get them every year because you think they work or you take your chances not getting the shot. I guess everyone is taking their chances if you think about it - either by getting the flu shot and hoping it doesn't have any awful side effects or not getting the flu shot and hoping you don't get sick. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if people knew for sure if the shot actually worked. I am curious how many people who have never gotten the flu shot before are getting it this year. Will you get the H1N1 vaccine when it becomes available? What chance are you taking this season???

Here We Go Again!!

Man, we were doing so good! With Olivia that is. She's been healthy and happy for quite awhile now!! It's been such a blessing!! But this past Monday we had to take her in to the walk in care because there was blood in her urine. No fever, but I still suspected a urinary tract infection because of the way her wet diapers had been looking for a couple of days. Not quite right. She got to drink juice in the waiting room and charmed all of the nurses with her sweet smile like she always does. Then she went wee into the little cup like a good girl. After a few minutes, a UTI was confirmed and off we went with a script for augmentin. So far, so good with that.

She's been acting pretty normal despite how uncomfortable she must feel. If you're a girl you all know how much uti's suck. This morning we had to have a recheck with her pediatrician's office. Based on what they saw with her results and the fact that she's so young, they want to run some more tests. Hooray. They want to do an ultrasound of her kidneys next week to make sure there are no abnormalities there. The doctor said that sometimes there are kidney issues in some kids that they never knew existed. Then in a few weeks, they want to do another test where they put dye in her tubes and bladder to see what's going on there. The doctor said the dreaded 'c' word - catheter. Ugh. I so hate them. And I so soo sooooooooo do not want to have to put her through that, but I guess she's been through worse and this is something we need to do.

So here we go again. This time I am not googling ANYTHING. I am not looking things up on the internet. I will not freak myself out prematurely. I will not worry without reason. Ha ha, is what you're all thinking!!! It is so hard not to worry about your kids when you're a mom. But with all that we've been through, I have realized what a worthless piece of crap 'worry' is. It doesn't do you any good. And it sure doesn't do the person you're worrying about any good. Author and motivational speaker Ed Foreman describes worry as "nothing less than the misuse of your imagination." Isn't that true? It's so easy to get caught up in the worry and spiral out of control - at least it is for me. I really envy those people who seem like they don't have a care in the world!! While I might not ever be one of those people, I am proud to say that I have come a long long way in the past few months. Anxiety is a daily battle for me and has been for awhile. Every day I wake up and every night when I lay down, I have to make the choice not to let the fear and worry of the unknown take me over. Instead, I choose faith.

It's not as easy at it sounds! Writer and mother Karol Ladd asks this question: why do we harbor and savor our worries?? Could it be that worrying is easy, but faith is difficult? Faith IS difficult, but it's not impossible. I think we could all use a little more faith, couldn't we?? Now I sound like a George Michael song, but seriously. What is faith???? Faith is the act of trusting, believing and hoping in the unknown and the unseen. Faith causes questions and seeks answers. Faith causes you to learn and grow.

So instead of worrying about what these tests will or won't say, I am going to have faith!!! I will make sure to post updates as we get results. Please lift up some positive thoughts and prayers for Olivia until then!!! And I couldn't resist posting this video........ and no that's not me singing in the background!!! And you're welcome because you're going to have this song in your head for the rest of the day now!!! Sing it loud and proud!!!

Xanax for me!!!

Super HUGE vent!!!! I hate going to the dentist. Everyone knows it. It scares me and I don't like it. It's not a pain thing. I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. I don't like the smell or the noises or people's hands in my mouth. I don't like it. That being said, I have a cool dentist who knows my fear and really helps me through the regular appointments. I haven't had a cavity since we lived in Chicago. I had that one filled by some crackhead guy who didn't know what he was doing. Then, right after Abby was born I started having trouble with it. Because that crackhead messed it up. Supposedly the filling was never right and it 'leaked.' Totally not my fault because I take good care of my teeth almost to the point of obsession. Thank you very much.

So I had to have my nice dentist guy do a root canal. I would RATHER have given birth. It didn't hurt, but it was terrifying none the less. Super scary. So that was five years ago. No problems since then, up until a couple of weeks ago. I started having a dull pain in my jaw and the teeth surrounding this stupid root canal tooth. I went to my dentist who pushed my off onto this entodontist dude. He was nice enough and his office was decorated really pretty. So props for that. So I went to that appointment today and this guy tells me there's something INSIDE the root canal that's causing a problem (leftover pulp - HURL- from the root canal) and he needs to redo it. WTF!!! WTF!!! WTF!!! And fix it to the tune of $1600!!!!

So I can have the whole thing pulled and have a giant frigging space and have my entire bite out of line OR pay the money and have the whole thing fixed. I seriously considered having it pulled, but my mom talked me down and made me see that it would cause more problems. Sigh. SO next Tues, I will be freaking my a$$ out in the chair getting my root canal REDONE. And yes, I will be stewing and obsessing about this all week right up until Tuesday. I am mad. My teeth have betrayed me. And I don't like the dentist. Call me a big baby if you want, but I don't care. I am in pain, my jaw feels like the tin man, and I am crabby. I have been taking so much motrin to kill the ache that my stomach is staging a rebellion against me.

Xanax for me!!!

What A Day!

Abby might totally kill me for this, but I HAD to blog about it. Yesterday was one of those days. You know the one, moms. The one where NOTHING goes right no matter what you do. The kids are fighting, you can't seem to accomplish anything you've set out to do, there isn't enough coffee in the world - and you feel like you want to go back to bed, get up and start over again. Please tell me you've had one of those days.

Kevin ended up having to work a little later yesterday and it was Abby's parent day for tumbling. He said he would just meet us there. So I decide I have enough time to vacuum upstairs (where there is still carpet) because it's looking a little shady. I notice this black craft pom pom on Ethan's floor that the vacuum didn't pick up. I tell myself I will go back in a pick it up when I've finished vacuuming because I don't want Olivia to get it. But I forget because something else distracted me. Big shocker, right?

So I get Abby's tumbling leotard on her and change Olivia's diaper and all that jazz. While I am packing the diaper bag, I hear Abby having a regular sneezing fit in her room. I ask if she's okay and she tells me she feels like she has something up her nose. I think nothing of it and tell her to get a tissue and blow it. She does. A few minutes later, more sneezing. An outrageous amount of sneezing. Then all of the sudden I realize that, HELLO, she's sneezing because there's something up her nose. I try not to panic before I get the real story.

"Abby, did you PUT something up your nose?" To which she blinks at me and answers, "I sniffed a fuzzy up my nose." I feel my extremities go numb, but I remain calm. "Abby, what kind of fuzzy was it?" She smiles at me. "A little black fuzzy. Only now it's up there and it won't come out. It hurts a little, mommy." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I screamed in my head.

Then I'm all, "Abby, we HAVE to get it out or I have to take you to the walk in care." Shouldn't have told her that last part because then she started crying and SNIFFLING. So I try to keep her calm and help her blow her nose. Nothing is coming out. I am asking her which nostril it's in and tell her to farmer blow. She lets out a big one and the little ball of evil shot out - WHERE? Right onto poor Olivia's top!!! You probably think I am making all of this up, but let me tell you folks... you cannot make stuff like this up. You just can't. Lulu was right in the line of fire because she was worried about sissy's loud crying.

So like any good blogger mom, I took a picture of the culprit. And here it is! It's small, about the size of a large green pea..... gross, huh??



On a happier note, here are some other pics from AFTER the incident. I didn't get any good shots of Abby in the gym because they didn't turn out and also because I had to take Olivia out. She wouldn't stop running over to the equipment.


Doesn't she look like a little gymnast??


All of 'em...




Me and Ab - this is the first actual picture of me in quite a long time! I am always behind the camera, but I'm trying to remember to get in some of the pictures. Otherwise the kids will think they didn't have a mom!!


Ab with Daddy


Lulu Beans

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully the weekend will be much more uneventful!!!!

Don't Just Stand There, Bust A Move

I did it. I signed up for a dance class. It's been years, but I couldn't take it anymore! Something is missing from my life and I think it's dancing. I'm starting out with an adult hip hop class on Tues nights from 8:30-9:30. It's a well known studio in the area and I hear the instruction is amazing. I am so stoked! There will be a recital as well, so I will let you know when that is if anyone wants to come. They have a wide range of classes - adult lyrical ballet & jazz, jumps & turns and even belly dancing!

Basically what prompted this whole thing is watching 'So You Think You Can Dance' on Fox. I didn't realize how much I missed dancing until I started watching this show. I asked myself, "why am I NOT dancing?" I just lost ALL the friggin baby weight from all three kids (so to speak - 5 more lbs to go, but we'll see if I can actually maintain it) so I can't use the out of shape excuse, my nights are pretty open and this place is literally right down the street. I couldn't come up with any reason not to do it!

Wish me luck (that I don't hurt myself) and I will let you know how it goes! I'm checking out the class/instructor tonight and the next summer session begins July 7. Until then, I will be watching SYTYCD and drooling over all of the beautiful choreography and looking forward to busting my own moves!

So You Think You Can Dance!

Woot woot! My favorite show is back! But will it be as awesome as last season?? I don't know - it's too soon to tell. This season there seems to be a LOT of contemporary dancers, where as in previous seasons there was much more diversity. Last season was amazing. They had an insane cast! For those who didn't not watch it, I HAVE to post a couple of my fave dances!

Well, my favorite girl dancer from last season had to be Lacey. She was the younger sis of the previous season's winner Benji. They are the talented spawn of the king of swing - Buddy Schwimmer. Lacey is kick a$$ because she's obviously an amazing dancer, but she's super funky, has a rockin body without being scrawny thin AND has a great personality. Here are a couple of my fave dances with her in them.....

Lacey and Danny - dancing the Samba



Lacey and Kameron - dancing contemporary



I will be trying to blog about each show this season and some more of my faves from the previous three seasons, but we'll see what happens. For now, enjoy these videos and keep watching the show!! It's so good!!

My 90s Mixed Tape

90s Music You Loved!!


Okay, so clearly I am having trouble sleeping tonight. The 80s were fun, but I am thinking the music from the 90s was so much better! The 90s will soon be the new 80s. We'll be having house parties in the 90s theme - wearing flannels, combat boots & old concert tees. I am going to make a KILLER mp3 mix to play for patio parties and neighborhood BBQs this summer and it’s gonna have all my fave bands from the 90s! Here’s my incredibly long list.....so far.... You KNOW you will want to copy it! And you’re gonna have to look some of these up to even remember who they are! Yes, I am cool. You don’t have to tell me! This will also make some of you feel super old. Or young. Depending on how old you were in the 90s! Get ready to be taken back!

Toadies - "Possum Kingdom"Hum - "Stars"Blur - "Song 2"Smashing Pumpkins - "Mayonaise", "1979" just my favesGarbage - "Stupid Girl"Nirvana - "All Apologies", "Molly’s Lips" again, just my favesBush - "Machinehead", "Comedown"Blind Melon - "No Rain"The Breeders - "Cannonball"Collective Soul - "Shine", "Precious Declaration"Candlebox - "You", "Far Behind" dedicated to my bro MattCouthing Crows - "Mr Jones"Cracker - "Low"Toad The Wet Sprocket - "Walk on the Ocean", "Fall Down"Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars"Eve 6 - "Inside Out", "Here’s to the Night"STP - "Intertstate Love Song", "Vasoline"Everclear - "Santa Monica"Everlast - "What’s It’s Like"Filter - "Hey Man Nice Shot", "Take A Picture"Foo Fighters - "Big Me" remember this video?? Mentos? "Monkeywrench"Eagle Eye Cherry - "Save Tonight" hello Dawson’s Creek!Fuel - "Shimmer"Blink 182 - "All The Small Things"Days of the New - "Touch, Peel and Stand"Gin Blossoms - "Hey Jealousy", "Until I Fall Away" LOVE themGreenDay - "Basketcase", "Longview"Weezer - "Sweater Song", "Buddy Holly"Lit - "My Own Worst Enemy"311 - "Don’t Stay Home"Goo Goo Dolls - "Slide", "Iris" my wedding song!Harvey Danger - "Flagpole Sitter" ha ha!Hole - "Celebrity Skin", "Malibu" if u didn’t own this, it is a good album!The Cranberries - "Dreams", "Ode To My Family", "Linger"Fiona Apple - "Shadowboxer", "Sleep to Dream" sexy sexyAlice In Chains - "Would", "Rooster" go get your flannel, u know you want toButthole Surfers - "Pepper" so good!Beck - "Loser", "Where It’s At", "Devil’s Haircut" - LOVE me some BEckSoundgarden - "Blackhole Sun" this video gave me nightmaresK’s Choice - "Addict" Live - "Selling the Drama"Local H - "Bound for the Floor"Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy" baby!Caviar - "Tangerine Speedo" get me a towelREM - "Drive", "Man on the Moon", "What’s the Frequency Kenneth"No Doubt - "Don’t Speak", "Just a Girl"Our Lady Peace - "Clumsy"Meatpuppets - "Backwater"NIN - "The Perfect Drug" remember how controversial Trent was??Luscious Jackson - "Naked Eye"Oasis - "Wonderwall", "Champagne Supernova"Rage Against the Machine - "Testify"Porno for Pyros - "Tahitian Moon", "Pets"Offspring - "The Kids Aren’t All Right", "Pretty Fly"Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Give It Away", "Under the Bridge"Silverchair - "Tomorrow"Stabbing Westward - "Save Yourself" from my angry days...waitSublime - "What I Got"Third Eye Blind - "Semi Charmed Life"Tonic - "You Wanted More", "If You Could Only See"Veruca Salt - "Seether"The Verve - "Bittersweet Symphony"Soul Coughing - "Circles", "Super Bon Bon" saw them live, now Matt DoughtyNada Surf - "Popular" too funny video!Radiohead - "Creep", "Karma Police"Dave Matthews Band - "Everyday", "Satellite"Smashmouth - "Then the Morning Comes"Sugar Ray - "Someday", "Falls Apart"Presidents of the United States - "Peaches"Spin Doctors - "Two Princes", "Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong"Hootie and the Blowfish - "Hold My Hand"The Refreshments - "Banditos" you WILL remember it!Cake - "Rock and Rock Lifestyle", "Never There", "The Distance"U2 - "One", "Mysterious Ways"Alanis Morrisette - "Hand In My Pocket", "You Oughtta Know"Mazzy Star - "Fade Into You"


Okay, now my head and hands hurt..... some list! You got anything to add!! Do it!!